Yo dont text me then not text me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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