just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
