i need an iv and a liver transplant
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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