nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
