I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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