You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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