I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
