a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
