I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
