Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
