does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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