Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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