R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
