i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
