I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
