I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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