just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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