Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
