I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
