I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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