Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
