Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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