Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
