quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
