Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
