I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
