I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
