I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
