His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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