Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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