No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
