i jhust puked up my retainher.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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