i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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