I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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