I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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