perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
