Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
