Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
