I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
