So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
