I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
