you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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