it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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