If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
