If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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