That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
