Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
