there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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