3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
