I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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