Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
