put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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