when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
