Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
