uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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